24-hour fast food establishments get to see all kinds of weird and wonderful. Mostly just drunks looking to cram something into their faces to quell the effects of the night's shenanigans and hopefully absorb some of the proof that their liver is trying so desperately hard to process. I've been there, I've done that, and on one particular night (despite my sobriety) I joined my fellow adventurers at a 24-hour pizza spot. The sort of place where you build your own pizza.
At that given time, I was rather famished. I went to town on my order, slapping on every topping that my fancy desired. My mouth watered with the thoughts of this divine creation sitting in front of me and fulfilling my immediate needs.
A little over an hour later, mid-way through my 3 am pizza, I was rather sullen. My order had failed to meet my expectations and while I was satiated, I was not satisfied. In my haste and wanton gluttony, I had completely ruined the experience. It was my own fault, I had not exercised restraint and now my pizza sat in front of me with too many flavours for me to enjoy. By adding too many toppings I had effectively diluted the experience. I wanted that pizza to be everything and as a result, it was nothing.
And this brings me to the Audi RS Q8, the SUV that tries to be everything and ends up being just too much.
Related: Audi tackles the high-performance market head-on
Launched towards the beginning of 2021, the Audi RS Q8 is one of the most powerful offerings in the revamped RS range. It blends brutal V8 power with Quattro AWD, SUV practicality and coupe-like styling. It spearheads the RS range as their flagship offering and is the first time a Coupe SUV is being given the full-tilt RS treatment.
Styling
While it still largely resembles a Q8, the RS models do away with the brushed aluminium trimmings and replace them with gloss black or dark carbon fibre adornments instead. The imposing single frame grille gets lost in the front end with this treatment and combined with the black four-rings logo and RS badge, it's only the number plate that punctures this mass of black. Large air dams and a purposeful-looking front splitter element rest below the grille, their spars finished off in the same dark carbon fibre material.
The LED headlights with 3D LED DRL elements play a lovely show for you when you unlock the cars, mimicked at the rear with the LED taillights and sequential turn signals as well. These headlights give the RS Q8 a futuristic look and make it instantly identifiable as an RS Q8 from the front.
The blister arches receive slimline spats, widening the track up front by 10 mm and the rear by 5 mm. This is hardly noticeable at first, but they allow the massive 23-inch wheels to sit flush with the arches and help provide a smooth flow of air past the turbulent wheel wells.
Quite why the Q8 design resonates with onlookers is beyond me, I'm yet to find the appeal of the boxy, hard-lined shape of the Q8. It stirs nothing in me and I struggled to find an attractive angle to photograph the car from. If you like it, that's all that matters. You may like olives, but they certainly were not on that pizza I ordered.
Interior & Space
Audi has deliberately kept the interior of the RS Q8 as clean and uncluttered as possible. The piano-black, leather, suede and carbon fibre-look trim is only broken up by the thin strips of brightwork that run the width of the dashboard and flank the symmetrical centre console. This design gives the impression of width and space but the interior of the RS Q8 is rather cosseting. It's a very masculine look and sombre in its execution.
The coupe-style design of the rear decklid does limit the amount of space one is afforded in the rear, with the boot measuring in at 605-litres with the seats in their upright position and increasing to 1755-litres with the rear benches folded forward. Rear leg- and headroom is ample and will comfortably seat full-size adults.
Comfort & Convenience
In keeping with the elegant and simplistic feel of the cockpit, the large 10.1-inch MMI screen is covered in glass for a clean and uncluttered look. This is one of three screens that do duty in the RS Q8. Below the main screen, you will find a smaller 8.6-inch screen that houses the controls for the climate control, seat heating, and allows for text and handwriting inputs when selecting an address of a number to call. Naturally, you could use the voice control or included Apple CarPlay or Android Auto too. A third screen forms part of the Audi Virtual Cockpit, replacing the analogue gauge cluster with a full digital experience. Our RS Q8 had an additional Heads-Up Display (HUD) and those proved to be rather useful in the RS Q8.
I say that because our test model was not without some inherent issues. Occasionally, the MMI would refuse to display the feed from Apple CarPlay, requiring a reconnection before resuming functionality. A similar thing would happen to the Virtual Cockpit. This display would freeze and then reboot randomly, leaving with only the HUD to give you your speed and vehicle vitals. Paired with a squeaky dashboard that creaked over all surfaces, I was left feeling like the interior could certainly do with some work. These issues may be limited to our test model, but it raised questions about how the RS Q8 would fare as the years draw on.
Performance
I'll spare you my own bitter thoughts on the concept of having this much power in an SUV, you can read about it in my review of the BMW X6 M here. The RS Q8 also takes on Sir Isaac Newton in a no-holds-barred, three-round contest to challenge the laws of physics. It does it admirably though and there's no shortage of shove from the potent 4.0-litre twin-turbo V8. This impressive lump churns out 441 kW and a rowdy 800 Nm to a soundtrack that sounds like a bear gargling glass. The noise is biblical.
It will do 0 to 100 km/h in only 3.8-seconds and trying to comprehend this will hurt your brain. The only way to accept this is to experience it. Sadly even this experience is muted and as a driver, you feel like you're just holding on to a PlayStation controller. It's the Audi Achilles Heel, mind-blowing performance when you start with the numbers, but it all lacks the visceral experience that should be part and parcel of a machine this quick.
The power is sent to all four wheels through the Quattro AWD system that is biased 40:60 front to rear. It's able to transfer as much as 85% of the power to the rear wheels and up to 70% to the front, depending on the requirements. It does this through an 8-speed Tiptronic gearbox, replete with steering-mounted paddles.
The trick adaptive air suspension and active roll stabilization do well to keep this behemoth planted through the turns and you really do need to be doing something rather silly in order to get the large 295-section Continental Sport tyres to protest. Four-wheel steering helps you in tighter spaces as does the 360-degree camera system.
Fuel Economy
A vehicle of this ilk is seldom going to be frugal and light on fuel. The constant temptation to gap traffic and pass other vehicles just because you can, will see your fuel consumption average steadily climb until that rather annoying orange light illuminates. Audi claims figures of 12.1 l/100km yet we sat in the mid 14s after a rather mixed bag of driving situations. If you can afford the price tag, you probably won't be too concerned with this though.
Drive the RS Q8 like a sensible, sane individual and you will benefit from Cylinder On Demand, a feature where half of the engine's cylinders are shut down to save fuel. The switchover goes unnoticed but will help reduce fuel costs. The RS Q8 is also fitted with a 48-volt mild-hybrid system (MHEV) that assists with power delivery in the lower RPM range with power regenerated during acceleration and braking.
Safety
One area where the RS Q8's excessiveness is appreciated is in the safety department. No fewer than 6 airbags (with the option for 8) find themselves in the interior and a host of driver assistance systems are standard on the RS Q8. Adaptive Cruise Control, Intersection Assist, Lane Change Warning and Rear Cross-Traffic Alert systems are all standard and help prevent avoidable collisions and incidents.
Parents will be pleased to hear that the RS Q8 has ISOFIX mountings on the outer rear seats as well as the front passenger seat.
Price
The Audi RS Q8 is dear, with a starting price of R2 354 500 before options, it's not what one would call cheap. Someone has to pay for the R&D that has gone into creating the machine that does all that the RS Q8 does, and sadly that person is you.
Competitors
Either I'm out of touch with the motoring world and should retire, or there just really is a demand for this type of vehicle. There are several competitors in this segment which shows that this segment does warrant the existence thereof. You could look the way of the aforementioned BMW X6 M Competition or next door to the Mercedes-AMG GLE 63 S Coupe if you're looking for these sort of kicks. Let's not forget about the Land Rover crowd, you'll want something with an SVR badge then. Personally, I think the Mercedes-Benz GLE is the pick of the bunch.
Verdict
Just like my pizza with every topping thrown on it, the RS Q8 did the job of feeding me, but I didn't enjoy the experience as much as the thought thereof suggested I would. There is such a thing as "too much" and in this instance it was orange. The RS Q8 goes really well but I would have liked more comfort from it. It had more than enough technology, but that in itself proved to be an issue. I did not enjoy my time with the RS Q8 and try as hard as I liked to distance myself from my own reservations about a coupe-like SUV, I found very little in the RS Q8 that I actually enjoyed.
As an engineering feat, it's impressive. As an experience, I was sadly left cold and somewhat disappointed.
