Prozac on 18-inch alloys

Prozac on 18-inch alloys

If you’re a die-hard mini-fan, you surely must be aware of the smallest, meanest, baddest, most potent little hot hatch of the lot: The John Cooper Works Hatch. It is Mini’s most powerful production model and it is every bit as fiery as it looks. Our test model’s colour is aptly named Chili Red, and with all its (optional) exterior performance body kit, it sure looks like it has serious zing in its tail.

Oh so pretty

Step inside and you are greeted with an interior that shouts “young, well-heeled, trendy performer”. It is loud, it is cool, it is unmistakably Mini. From the partly perforated steering wheel to the circular dials and air-vents, there is not a chrome ring, toggle or switch that doesn’t have an element of fun and youthfulness. It gets full marks for quality. I love the sports seats with their leather/suedette combination and bright red strip around the outer edges. This soft-touch red is echoed on either side of the centre stack, and provides a soft surface for the knees when the JCW’s nose is pressed into a corner. The infotainment system (with a playful font & crystal clear graphics) is placed in the middle and is controlled with a rotary dial between the two front seats. When you’re in different driving modes, the circular band around it lights up into different colours: Green if you’re in ‘Green’ or eco mode, and red if you’re stepping on it.  The chequered flag decal around the infotainment system adds to the ‘boy racer’ charm. It’s a vivacious, colourful interior, and I love everything about it. But it’s not all standard fare: The front armrest, Harman/Kardon 12-speaker sound system, DVD 6-disc changer, navigation and Bluetooth/USB preparation form part of the Ice Package, which costs R18 900.

Let’s drive this badass-baby!

But surely this Mini is all about the drive, so I decided to take it on an inter-city adventure. My 8-year old daughter mostly sat in front and my six-year old son, who is small for his age, was not too uncomfortable in the back. Once I’d turned up the music (which I streamed from my iPhone via Bluetooth) and opened the sunroof, everyone was happy. The kids have since become petrol heads and any old excuse for mom to accelerate, will do. And if you want to have fun, the JCW is the ideal little car for this. The driving position is quite low, and the sports seats are superbly comfortable, and seem to hug you as you clip those apexes. The JCW’s steering is superbly direct, and feels beautifully weighted in Sport Mode. The different driving modes don’t make much of a difference in the Hyundai i30, for example, but in the JCW it makes all the difference. In town, I kept the driving mode on ‘Green’, and was amazed at the difference it made to the trip computer’s reading for fuel economy. In ‘Green’ mode, the JCW isn’t tardy. So I never really bothered with ‘Normal’ mode.

On twisty mountain passes, ‘Sport’ was the preferred driving mode, of course. Apart from sharpening the Mini’s road manners and steering, it also pipes a more pronounced exhaust note into the cabin, which makes the JCW seem even cheekier. It’s only a four-cylinder engine, so its enthusiastic chortling is not real. But who cares? With 170 kW and 320 Nm in that compact little figure, it can whistle “The Sound of Music” if it wants to. There’s only a whisper of torque steer and the JCW’s low centre of gravity creates a feeling of unity with the road below. There’s plenty of road noise though, thanks to the (optional) low profile 18-inch alloys. I noticed that my press car’s rims also bore quite a few scratches, thanks to the attractive but impractical convex shape of the spokes. Big Brembo brakes have been added to bring this spicy Mini to a standstill. Suspension wise, the JCW is not nearly as hard as the previous, which makes it more suitable for everyday use.

There goes my retirement...

There’s nothing ‘everyday’ about the automatic JCW’s price tag, though. Its base price is R440 000, and then you start adding the extras. Mini is very clever here, as most people would at least want the above mentioned Ice Package with the upper-crust sound system, even though nobody ever uses in-car navigation anymore since the arrival of Google Maps. The point is, if you want to own a Mini with some fire in its loins, the Cooper S Hatch 3-door manual (R 371 847) or auto (R387 618) will probably do just fine.

Second mortgage, perhaps?

You can’t have a bad day when you’re driving this car. It’s an antidepressant on wheels. From the funky interior to the exhaust’s cheerful crackles and pops, the JCW is just as good in rush-hour traffic as it is around the Western Cape’s bendy, open roads. And it’s less thirsty than I anticipated. If you have cash and joie de vivre, the JCW will underline it perfectly.

Facts & Figures

Price:	: R 440 000
Engine	: 2.0-litre, 4-cylinder turbo petrol
Transmission	: 6-speed auto
Power	: 170 kW
Torque	: 320 Nm
Top Speed	: 246 km/h
0-100 km/h	: 6.58 sec.
Fuel Tank	: 44 litres
Realistic fuel consumption	: 6.5 - 10.2 l / 100 km, largely dependant on Drive Mode selection
Warranty/Aftersales	: 2-year / unlimited warranty, 5-year / 100 000 km maintenance plan, services according to onboard computer.
Also consider	: Audi S1 Quattro

*For a full list of safety and standard specifications, please go to www.mini.co.za
*We attended the launch of the JCW in Johannesburg earlier this year, and got to throw it around a gymkhana track - click HERE for our First Drive impression.